Prey

[Pyxx]

Wow, I really appreciate the critiques, Owl, you have helped a lot. This work is not about meth addiction, though thanks for asking. I understand that this poem needs work. I have retitled this and reworked it. After reading many works from individuals who appear to write effortlessly I try not to take my own work too seriously, see the poem titled Self Inflicted Parody.


In relation to the problematic written expression of "Slick hides sever sweet escape" perhaps an animal hide can be considered slick if it is rain soaked and in reponse to the written expression of "severing escape," I think what I was driving at was stopping the prey from escaping by having the predator stand in the way, therefore 'severing escape'. I can only attempt to correct the work and in doing so perhaps improve over time. I agree that this work can be considered to be confusing to the reader due to the inconsistent use of sync in time. The wolves they crawl within" is before "the pack closes in." ect. I have attempted to rewrite this poem and I have renamed it.  I can only hope that in doing so it does some justice to the awesome critiques I have received ^_^



Edit


Prey
 
I am hunted by wolves,
suffer their hollow call,
thorns delight my feet.
I embrace the pain beneath,
into the deep I'm pulled.
 
I burn to breathe,
Slick hides sever sweet escape.
muttering lies, sugar laced,
I can taste their hate.
The night promises grief,
I'm candy colored bait.
Screaming into the abyss,
a sacrificial prey,
I offer my wrists.
 
Cannibal grins split the dark,
a razor blade slash;
savages howling for a laugh.
Teeth shatter oaths,
cleaving into bone;
the wolves they crawl within.
Parasitic;
under tortured skin.
 
Viscera torn apart.
I'm devoured by beasts,
animal hackles pierce the heart.



The Tide

Devoured by wolves,

suffer their hollow call.
I am pulled under,
the terrible deep enthralls.
 
A tide of jaws,
stills the marrow.
Slick hides sever sweet escape.
I burn to breath,
a jagged pill promise.
I take the bait.
 
Starving teeth shatter oaths,
mercilessly hacked into bone.
The wolves they crawl within,
with claws they burrow parasitic,
under tortured skin.
 
Steeled for the kill,
the pack closes in.
Savages howling for a laugh,
ensnaring sinful wings,
razor back hackles pierce the heart.