gravity

[tectak]

thanks for all critics above.
i tried an edit. don´t like the last line myself, but I can´t think of a better one.



gravity


what´s heavy was light is-was...what is to reverse. Too clever and so not clever at all. Like that last statement...but it is your poem, not mine. You confuse yourself. I don't feel part of what you mean but frustratingly feel.I ought to be.
and the other way round See what I mean? What is light was heavy. Or is that 360 degrees? Sure beats the shit out'ta me
massive rock will be ground
and to stardust be turned Try punctuating completely. You might like it. I know I would. If you can,do. If you cannot, do not. No half way house. It looks incompetent.

in space and time Pseudo-poetry relies on this ridiculous enjambment. Pseudo-poets do not know
what enjambment
is.
Do you?
all is floating apart Yes...but "all" is a weak descriptor. Does it include my testicles, my chess set, my packet of roasted nuts? No. All is not all inclusive. I get your well understood point but as you are embracing physics you need to let me know what you know.
but there´s a subtle embrace[
that acts endlessly far I know. Thank god for it...or the next stanza would be off in to endless space.Stop bizarre enjambment.

to draw atoms together
melding new suns
then one way or another
they finish to burn  

only to burst
by the weight of their cores
circle turning forever
universe making love I am tempted to say ...so what? I don't need to. This is a hugely inconclusive conclusion. Enjoinder. Punctuate to clarity. As it is, this last stanza is precipitous. A rushed ending. The universe is not like this at all. Well, maybe a bit...up until the making love throw-away.

Hi vagabond,
you have problems, here.
Put the poetry first if the concept is too much. Good poetry trumps a good concept everytime. Punctuate, use metaphor, use imagery.
Best,
tectak