11-25-2014, 01:50 PM
Interesting form, I've never heard of this either. I really appreciated the mood you created here, very surreal I would say. I hope that was what you were going for, but I definitely liked it either way 
One thing that I got a little hung up on was the approximate rhyme with "daze, gazes and phrases". Not sure if you noticed that or were trying to incorporate it or if it just happened. I'm not sure if I like it too much and you may want to consider that in the revision process because it held up the rhythm some for me while I was reading but maybe that's just me. Thanks!!
One thing that I got a little hung up on was the approximate rhyme with "daze, gazes and phrases". Not sure if you noticed that or were trying to incorporate it or if it just happened. I'm not sure if I like it too much and you may want to consider that in the revision process because it held up the rhythm some for me while I was reading but maybe that's just me. Thanks!!