cirrhosis

[azure]

Hi, some notes:

Cirrhosis

I spent my summers
making model airplanes
with my brother, finishing off
cold beers with him out of sight, Strong image.
in spite of the fact he had cirrhosis, You might drop this comma and/or the one above, and the "from" below.
from trying to become as yellow
as the moon in late October. Again, strong image.

James just stayed in his room,
and chain smoked while
dad was dying – wishing he had
a new Chevy and a .44 magnum, Nice detachment.
to brave the shattered landscape Possibly a period, and see final note.
of being abandoned as little boy
in a trailer for five days as
the world was drained of color.
I'd like some rearrangement of the last three lines to put more stress on abandoned and avoid the break on "as".

Good read, thanks for posting it.

Thanks for the critique, gonna go edit now.