Damn This Field

[Erthona]

Damn This Field

Damn this field!
Plowing is rough
In this wind, in this dust

Damn you, field!
Never offered a crop  (offered no crop- to echo the first stanza)
Worth this work and this fuss

Whoa there, Bess!
Don't hurt yourself!
Ten furrows left
Won't be long now  (lose the "now")
We'll unhook this plow ("I'll unhook" unless Bess has hands)

Curse this land!
For burning these hands, (don't need the "for" it's understood)
Sticking knives in my knees

Curse you, land!
All the pain you demand
You should be rightfully pleased (maybe "righteously" instead of "rightly", a little more irony that way.)

Hold on, Bess  (Maybe "girl" instead of "Bess")
My God you sweat!
Just eight rows left
Won't be long now (drop "now")
Then you can rest

Damn you, field
For taking Pa
Still see him slumped over (This is an awkward line, breaks up rhythm)

And for muffling the shout
Of his heart giving out
By your weeds in the corner (This whole section needs reworking, so you only have to address the field once)

Hang on, Bess
Don't injure yourself
Six furrows left
Won't be long now  (not long now)
We'll get you some rest ( leave out "you")

Damn you, field!
You never upheld  ("kept")
Your end of the bargain

Damn you to hell!
Next to nothing to sell (leave out "next to")
Come the cold of this Autumn ("come Autumn cold" personally I'd drop the red letters.)

Sorry, ol' Bess
It's not you I address
It won't be long now (drop "now")
No, it won't be long now (drop "now")
We'll get us some rest
Yeah, we'll get us some rest

Most of these suggestion are to keep the cadence of the poem smooth, or because some words are simply redundant. Feel free to ignore all suggestion.

Dale