12-21-2014, 07:27 PM
Hi, welcome. You may want to consider a different word for your second rotten, It is a strong enough opening to not need repeating in this short poem. Ending on "sounds" was empty and flat for me, I'd prefer a more specific word.
Hope you enjoy the site.
Hope you enjoy the site.
(12-21-2014, 02:10 PM)Mungosmungo Wrote: A rotten eggshell sky is cracked wide open,
And rotten, egg-yolk light drops through the sky.
A whip cracks heavy, wide. Xolotl's flash
gives way to Brontes, and soul shaking sounds.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips