02-10-2015, 06:18 AM 
	
	
	
		I like your edit, the poem reads more smoothly. I think you use too many adjectives though - there's hardly a noun without one and it feels a bit intrusive, especially in the last two lines.
	
	
	
	
| 
					Poet's Trance Alternative Edit
				 | 
| 
					« Next Oldest | Next Newest »
				 | 
| Messages In This Thread | 
| Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by Leah S. - 02-03-2015, 02:30 AM RE: Poet's Trance - by tectak - 02-03-2015, 09:15 AM RE: Poet's Trance - by just mercedes - 02-03-2015, 01:48 PM RE: Poet's Trance - by Leah S. - 02-05-2015, 12:51 AM RE: Poet's Trance - by ChristopherSea - 02-05-2015, 01:21 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by onepapa - 02-05-2015, 05:30 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by Leah S. - 02-05-2015, 06:58 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by Erthona - 02-08-2015, 04:48 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by Leah S. - 02-12-2015, 06:00 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by onepapa - 02-09-2015, 12:35 PM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by just mercedes - 02-10-2015, 06:18 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by belkar - 02-12-2015, 06:40 AM RE: Poet's Trance Edit 1 - by Leah S. - 02-12-2015, 09:54 AM RE: Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by onepapa - 02-13-2015, 01:20 AM RE: Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by Leah S. - 02-14-2015, 01:57 AM RE: Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by onepapa - 02-14-2015, 11:34 AM RE: Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by lacan123 - 03-12-2015, 12:26 PM RE: Poet's Trance Alternative Edit - by Leah S. - 03-13-2015, 01:52 AM |