Desert Visions

[Bunx]

Desert Visions

The sagebrush shakes when wind
shaded with dust
and thin like diner coffee I believe you do not need an "and" in the beginning of this line. You could add a comma after dust.
sweeps over
the asphalt of the desert highway.

I lean on my pack in the shade
of buttressed sage. The sky is bright blue Really like how shade/sage read. Although I do not think you need "the sky is bright blue an". I would suggest ending line two at sage and start line 3 with "the sand conforms".
and the sand conforms to my body like
a worn-out motel bed. I hear the snap
of grasshopper wings become like the hum

of bright signs that light city streets in colors;
of vermillion and lime as scents of curry This is entirely opinion but I would end you sentence at "lime" then start your next sentence with "scents". I think the sentence is a run-on and reads a little to fast I would also avoid having a double  "and"in the same sentence.
and rice rise in wafts to the window
of Sal Paradise. At the sill 
he sucks LA up in one breath

and basks in the cobalt glow. I breathe too,
shut the book, listen to the simmer
of the desert. I hear a faint rumble –
a diesel engine. Rising from meditation,
I shoulder my pack and stand by the road.



Disclaimer: Sal Paradise is a character in Jack Kerouac's novel On the Road and as such is solely the property of Jack Kerouac's estate. In my poem, I am not seeking to utilize this property in any other way than to explain what is happening in the scene of the poem.

Really liked this poem and the concepts you displayed in it. The comparison between the subject the poem reading Kerouac while living out the beat-nick traveler (not sure if that is the right term) lifestyle is a cool comparison. As far as suggestions I would say cut some of the unnecessary words, and first read it was hard to get though because it seemed wordy. It took me a while to really get the flow of the poem and I think trimming it down a bit would help. Anyways thanks for the post!