The Sinner

[first_high_of_the_day]

To me this poem is on the track to being good. The overall idea is loose, without a clear direction, but it's there. The wordplay is like someone read an article online about how to be clever, but doesn't actually understand the concept. You basically just took a bunch of cliche phrases and tried to make them work together. You didn't do a bad job of it, but this is the poetic equivalent to an almost shitty remix of a bunch of popular songs. Certainly you could move towards better remixes, and certainly you would learn a lot about writing. Is that your goal?

Basically my advice is either be original or learn how to use other people's words properly. Be clever with your own words first.