04-03-2015, 03:34 PM
Alright, Im just going to start with the structure of the poem. If you want to rhyme, you gotta follow some type of logic. Your first stanza is ABAB?, your second is CCDD, then ?, and finally AAEE?.
There's a lot of potential here to have more dramatic one liners like, "Why am I silent?", but you have to lay the poem out in a way that it makes sense to throw break your voice so suddenly. If you're going to rhyme, stay consistent. If you're going for drama, throw meter and rhyme out the window and look into the reason why you would isolate a line like, "Why am I silent?"
There's a lot of potential here to have more dramatic one liners like, "Why am I silent?", but you have to lay the poem out in a way that it makes sense to throw break your voice so suddenly. If you're going to rhyme, stay consistent. If you're going for drama, throw meter and rhyme out the window and look into the reason why you would isolate a line like, "Why am I silent?"