[Impressions]

[tectak]

[Impressions]

I

A melody implied
by the rustling of leaves:
the hem of your dress
sweeps across the forest floor. Wistful start but contextually, even at this early stage, isolated in meaning and intent. If you open a poem with this degree of unconnected imagery you MUST show intent in what comes next, otherwise the piece will just dissolve before the readers eye, like a wet sugar cube, leaving nothing of the original form.

II

No, we'll walk with the mistWet sugar cube. Again, so disconnected that only your own synapses are firing. Did someone ask something which required a yes/no answer? Is there a stanza missing. How did I/we/the narrator get here? This "poem", this rhymeless, meterless, pointless (to me, the reader) piece of pros is so personal that I feel excluded....and it is your fault. You are not inviting me to share the plot...consequently, I do not get it.The roman digitising of the stanzas is now irritatingly necessary, as if without the guidance one could easily forget what the order of stanzas may be..as though it matters.
at our backs. I don't trust you
not to disappear.I could not fail to disagree with you less.Do you mean by this double negative howler that you DO trust her to disappear?

III

In that cool, pulsating darkness,
every random passerby
bears your face.
But your eyes are yours alone. Wot? Sure beats the shit outa me. Her eyes are her eyes?You see her face on strangers...in the dark? What does it all mean. I must lie down.

Hi
I tried but failed.Is that clear? Good. This is an overpoetic attempt to write poetry which ends up looking like an overpoetic attempt to write poetry...so a result, I guess.
You choose to muse. For this crit, in this forum, it is not amusing.Needs purpose and connectivity.
Best
tectak