04-24-2015, 12:41 AM
So much alliteration! Your writing is very energetic, which does do a good job of painting a "word picture," but it can sometimes be overwhelming and detract from the message you're trying to send. I have the same problem in my own writing. I try to remember to "fall in love with what I'm saying, not just with the words I'm saying."
I thought the ending was really good. The pacing seems to slow down, and be a bit more palatable than some of the content in the preceding stanzas. "...where naked branches starkly sway; a gentle shifting in the air. April has brought an early spring." I thought that did an excellent job of getting your picture and message across. Simple, but to the the point. Keep writing!
I thought the ending was really good. The pacing seems to slow down, and be a bit more palatable than some of the content in the preceding stanzas. "...where naked branches starkly sway; a gentle shifting in the air. April has brought an early spring." I thought that did an excellent job of getting your picture and message across. Simple, but to the the point. Keep writing!