Nightwalking (title change, edit #3.2 (Todd)

[proteus24]

Marcella,

Ah tricky, I thought you had messed up until I realized you were using the secondary pronunciation of "winds".  

Actually, this is a clever approach to this form, creating a midnight's summer dream effect (bringing dreams to jolt and thrill) rather than trying for a specific message, or a story telling. So even though as any villanelle, it seems to sag under the weight of the repeating lines, it does not contain those fatal flaws. This is like an expressionist painting, in that it conveys an image that contains an emotional tone. It is the line "moonlight's trail 'cross waters still" that gives it this dreamlike feel, despite the fact that what is being portrayed is fairly mundane, such as "owl's hoot and barn wren's trill". The weak lines for me are

"seeking strength and finding will
new plans drawn from hearts and minds"

which seems a bit pedantic, and at odds with what has preceded it, and that which follows.      

Also,

"illuminate white wing and bill
swans' grace sails through life's groans and grinds"

starts out well, but " through life's groans and grinds", is not only back to the philosophizing, but is not supported by the rest of the poem, and seems very ad hoc.

I think staying with a kind of dream-like image painting would create a stronger poem, in fact probably one of the few approaches to make sense for this form, as only someone like Dylan Thomas seems to have the cleverness and skill (and luck) to use this form to make a philosophical statement (although thousands continue to try).

I do like the possibility of what you have so far.

Dale

Hi--

This is my first post--hooray! I agree with Dale about keeping the poem in a dream-like imagery, because it awakens the imagination of the reader, engaging her like an enthralling painting. I do think, though, the mundane aspects of the poem give it a universal human quality, which is a wonderful thing, because it makes it much more intimate and relatable.

As far as its meaning, I feel it is conveying the observer quality of being a person--a seemingly idle yet engaged onlooker with unique interpretations of the world churning rhythmically (like your poem's rhythm) outside the 'bedroom view.'