05-12-2015, 06:00 AM
Hi Ella,
I can see that L4 has changed in each edit, so I might guess that it was one that gave you trouble.
Fermented through a moonshine still
It depends on what you want to say. For me, the image that this line gives me is that possibly you could be under the influence of the moonshine while watching the moonbeam. If that is the right interp., then the line is good though I think I might have chosen not to use "fermented". It's not a bad word, and here it could imply that the image is amplified, however if you use "filtered", I think it helps the meter a tad, and it pertains more to the journey of the moonbeam, rather than it's state, and it still implies the "under the influence" part of the interp.
Of course, I could have read it all wrong.
Best
Mark
I can see that L4 has changed in each edit, so I might guess that it was one that gave you trouble.
Fermented through a moonshine still
It depends on what you want to say. For me, the image that this line gives me is that possibly you could be under the influence of the moonshine while watching the moonbeam. If that is the right interp., then the line is good though I think I might have chosen not to use "fermented". It's not a bad word, and here it could imply that the image is amplified, however if you use "filtered", I think it helps the meter a tad, and it pertains more to the journey of the moonbeam, rather than it's state, and it still implies the "under the influence" part of the interp.
Of course, I could have read it all wrong.
Best
Mark