09-30-2015, 09:13 AM
Hey nothing-
Smells like a sonnet, looks like a sonnet, reads like a sonnet, so it must be a sonnet regarding the Lord's Prayer.
That said, I am dense enough that I don't see the relation between your poem and the prayer.
Perhaps a forthcoming PART 2 will help connect the poem and the prayer.
Time's evoking memory…once…there at last,This stanza is a bit too abstract to relate to the prayer, and I fell like I must make that connection, due to the title.
The substance and the movement of a dream
Born of forlorn space, ensuing to contrast
One sentimental moment to redeem
Of a father…enthralled in ecstasy"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name--- a bit of a connection here, I suppose
Beholding but the beauty of the gift, Thy kingdom come, they will be done,
Itself…only distinct in recognition
Of this relation: responding harmonies. " ...on earth as it is in heaven ???"
Free…beyond the obscuring condition, "give this day, our daily bread"
Unending image, wherewithal of myth,[b]and forgive us our trespasses
Nature…awe inspiring composition,as we forgive those who trespass against us
Aesthetically unerring labyrinth...lead us not into temptation, but deliver from evil
This…the sweetest sorrow…could never beliefor thine is the kingdom ,and the power, and the glory
The creation in the remembrance of why.forever and ever, amen
Perhaps this is your interpretation of the prayer, because when I line it up it doesn't fall into place (for me). Perhaps my big mistake was thinking the title had any resemblance to the prayer. If so, my bad. Or maybe a different title would have kept me from trying so hard to make things "match up".
At any rate, it made me think, and if nothing else, your poem succeeded on that level. Thanks,
... Mark
Smells like a sonnet, looks like a sonnet, reads like a sonnet, so it must be a sonnet regarding the Lord's Prayer.
That said, I am dense enough that I don't see the relation between your poem and the prayer.
Perhaps a forthcoming PART 2 will help connect the poem and the prayer.
Time's evoking memory…once…there at last,This stanza is a bit too abstract to relate to the prayer, and I fell like I must make that connection, due to the title.
The substance and the movement of a dream
Born of forlorn space, ensuing to contrast
One sentimental moment to redeem
Of a father…enthralled in ecstasy"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name--- a bit of a connection here, I suppose
Beholding but the beauty of the gift, Thy kingdom come, they will be done,
Itself…only distinct in recognition
Of this relation: responding harmonies. " ...on earth as it is in heaven ???"
Free…beyond the obscuring condition, "give this day, our daily bread"
Unending image, wherewithal of myth,[b]and forgive us our trespasses
Nature…awe inspiring composition,as we forgive those who trespass against us
Aesthetically unerring labyrinth...lead us not into temptation, but deliver from evil
This…the sweetest sorrow…could never beliefor thine is the kingdom ,and the power, and the glory
The creation in the remembrance of why.forever and ever, amen
Perhaps this is your interpretation of the prayer, because when I line it up it doesn't fall into place (for me). Perhaps my big mistake was thinking the title had any resemblance to the prayer. If so, my bad. Or maybe a different title would have kept me from trying so hard to make things "match up".
At any rate, it made me think, and if nothing else, your poem succeeded on that level. Thanks,
... Mark