I hate this

I hate this

John

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Posts: 48
Threads: 8
Joined: Jul 2015

10-07-2015, 01:04 AM

(10-06-2015, 10:21 PM)Weeded Wrote: I can't seem to sleep That will make the line concise
Forcing eyes shut hourly Eyes forced shut gets rid of the gerund and a word
Forever it seems 'Seems' was used already, and the line hasn't any punch to end. What about 'endless minutes tick by'? Something to highlight the slow drag of time.

Just some thoughts. I endure that most nights - I'm told it's an active brain of the more intelligent... Thumbsup

A poet who can't make the language sing doesn't start. Hence the shortage of real poems amongst the global planktonic field of duds. - Clive James.

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Messages In This Thread

I hate this - by Weeded - 10-06-2015, 10:21 PM

RE: I hate this - by John - 10-07-2015, 01:04 AM

RE: I hate this - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 07:05 AM

RE: I hate this - by tectak - 10-07-2015, 07:37 AM

RE: I hate this - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 08:34 AM

RE: I hate this - by tectak - 10-07-2015, 03:36 PM

RE: I hate this - by billy - 10-07-2015, 05:35 PM

RE: I hate this - by Weeded - 10-07-2015, 05:46 PM

RE: I hate this - by RiverNotch - 10-08-2015, 04:39 AM

RE: I hate this - by Weeded - 10-08-2015, 08:45 AM

RE: I hate this - by ellajam - 10-08-2015, 10:37 AM

RE: I hate this - by Weeded - 10-08-2015, 11:33 AM

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