10-10-2015, 11:07 PM
(10-10-2015, 10:21 PM)justlikeyou Wrote: Snip, snip, snip Just doesn't cut it (pun intended.) Each word is crucial and simulates words in a novel about 1000:1. For me, repeats are a waste.It may have had more seasonal relevance if hair loss (e.g. the ageing condition) had been related to autumn and trees shedding leaves.
hair like fall leaves This is the only acknowledgement to a season, but how is it summed up in a puppy?
a puppy gazing Can't see the relevance between a gazing puppy and a haircut.
(PS. I've removed all your tags of font, size, colour, and the link to a google image. It's a real bind trying to edit with all that lot in there for no apparent reason.)
Thanks for the opportunity to read it.
A poet who can't make the language sing doesn't start. Hence the shortage of real poems amongst the global planktonic field of duds. - Clive James.