10-12-2015, 05:19 PM
(10-12-2015, 02:57 AM)Keith Wrote: A day in the life of a widower great how you capture the important things about how we feel what we try to do. very much enjoyed Ray. Some thoughts below. Best Keith
it's just a cat who's jumped down on a box This line feels too long and is the box important ?
No, it isn't important. I've shortened it to: "it's just a cat"
(10-12-2015, 02:57 AM)Keith Wrote: it's any fucking thing i want to do [b]you could drop the repeat on 'Do' and drop ' its' without losing the meaning or the punch
I've dropped "to do" but kept "it's" to maintain the iambic feet it's written in.
Thanks for the suggestions, they've improved the poem.
(And thanks for liking it as well.)[/b]
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions