11-26-2015, 11:42 AM
Alexearth,
As this is misc I do not want to go full on critique but I must say the use of "eve" bothers" me as there is simply nothing that justifies it's usage. To me it just seems to come across as affectation. Same with using bold with the whole poem. "Bold" is used for emphasis, it kind of defeats the purpose to bold everything. Is this this a poem about EST? Feel free to tell me to piss off, as I said it is misc. Over all I didn't get much from it. the one line that intrigued me was
"the jaw forced into a hardly describable position"
It intrigued me because it could bring focus to the rest of the poem but at the same time it seemed hardly awkward.
However, in general for me, the surface level should be fairly clear, even if trying for an imagist poem I don't see that here. Don't get me wrong, I've written much worse.
Best,
dale
As this is misc I do not want to go full on critique but I must say the use of "eve" bothers" me as there is simply nothing that justifies it's usage. To me it just seems to come across as affectation. Same with using bold with the whole poem. "Bold" is used for emphasis, it kind of defeats the purpose to bold everything. Is this this a poem about EST? Feel free to tell me to piss off, as I said it is misc. Over all I didn't get much from it. the one line that intrigued me was
"the jaw forced into a hardly describable position"
It intrigued me because it could bring focus to the rest of the poem but at the same time it seemed hardly awkward.
However, in general for me, the surface level should be fairly clear, even if trying for an imagist poem I don't see that here. Don't get me wrong, I've written much worse.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.