12-14-2015, 03:52 PM
I saw the poem
in my head the first time i love this line. so much is said with so few words.
you couldn’t remember
my name, your tongue wanting
to say something, anything; great, up until the next line, which doesn't quite matched the airy tone you've set
the sadness of it all floated,
catching on a bridge column,
swirling in an eddy of undertows.
Your arms spread like sparrow wings,
and I thought this is how they might look
flying into eternity. nice thought here, but could have been better executed. felt a bit rushed. i feel like you fell in love too fast and it really showed near the ending.
in my head the first time i love this line. so much is said with so few words.
you couldn’t remember
my name, your tongue wanting
to say something, anything; great, up until the next line, which doesn't quite matched the airy tone you've set
the sadness of it all floated,
catching on a bridge column,
swirling in an eddy of undertows.
Your arms spread like sparrow wings,
and I thought this is how they might look
flying into eternity. nice thought here, but could have been better executed. felt a bit rushed. i feel like you fell in love too fast and it really showed near the ending.