Flight

[Rogo]

I saw the poem                        
in my head the first time
you couldn’t remember
my name, your tongue wanting  
to say something, anything;
the sadness of it all floated,
catching on a bridge column,
swirling in an eddy of undertows.

Your arms spread like sparrow wings,
and I thought this is how they might look
flying into eternity.

First Stanza
I noticed that RSaba rearranged the first three lines as:

I saw the poem in my head
the first time you couldn't remember

I see why he would do this because it would strengthen the juxtaposition of remembering and forgetting. However, I feel that the original lines intentionally obscure the juxtaposition enable to simulate the experience of having Alzheimer's. If that was the intention, then maybe you could make the contrast more apparent through word choice as opposed to structural change?

Line 4 is pretty clever.

my name, your tongue wanting

It's interesting how the comma and line break work together to represent the struggle of your father trying to remember your name. You could've easily written it like "Your tongue wanting my name," but that would have diminished the tension that the line helps create.


Second Stanza 
I have to agree with what some of the others said. The second stanza seems kind of rushed, and its imagery and structure seem out of place when compared to the first stanza. If you want to make a structural change, then that is fine. It's the volta after all, and it's clear that something changed. What that something is, I don't know. I feel you could create a more appropriate image to tie in with the first stanza. This could make the ending less confusing 


Overall, the poem is solid. I love how the initial stillness of it is weakened by its underlying disjointed structure. You just need to work on that second stanza.