01-08-2016, 09:39 PM
Ah, the angst and false assurance of teenage years.
I agree that there is no real rythm and that it is a little choppy upon first read. The biggest problem I see with my plebeian eyes, is the communication and positioning of the metaphors.
I can however, feel the themes false ego, reckless emotional uncertainty and 'happily' numb attitudes. That plague many teenage years.
As stated in previous comments, clarity is key. If you want your ideas to be understood, make them understand. Don't be afraid to be clear, be articulate.
I agree that there is no real rythm and that it is a little choppy upon first read. The biggest problem I see with my plebeian eyes, is the communication and positioning of the metaphors.
I can however, feel the themes false ego, reckless emotional uncertainty and 'happily' numb attitudes. That plague many teenage years.
As stated in previous comments, clarity is key. If you want your ideas to be understood, make them understand. Don't be afraid to be clear, be articulate.