Rats In Cages, Edit #2

[Jeremiahcp]

[I can only gain so much reading responses to other people's poetry, so it has some merit to let you critique my own work. I've done much editing to this, and there are portions I am not satisfied with, so it will likely be edited many more times. The statements are not as solid as I would like, but that could only come in the final wave of edits.]

--Edit #1--
There are rats in cages and mazes that are happier than I am.
They do not count walls and stars.
They do not think of life and death or dark and light colors.

I watch them, fur and flesh over bone and brain.
I give them levers to pull, to see if they decide.

The levers move in silence.

It is a chemical, and a muscle.
It is computable, and yet chaotic.
Though in vain, I believe it is noble.
They shake in self-awareness at the product of their hands.
In reflection they see their fur
Placed over skin that is not their own
Just before the glass breaks.

I think the last stanza is great, and I would cut everything but that. Maybe make a few tweaks to help incorporate the initial thought process.

For your consideration:

Starting at the 3rd line of the last stanza: Though in vain, I find it noble. The way they shake in self-awareness at the product of their hands.  

The title of the poem will let us know you are talking about rats. To be honest,  I don't feel the poem really starts until that last stanza. 

---

Also since you are using punctuation I think you could safely take the 3rd line of the last stanza and drop half of it down to a new line, so that it looks a little neater.