01-17-2016, 03:46 AM
@Jeremiahcp
Interesting feedback. I feel the last stanza is weakest here, as I've really only made a couple of edits to it. Still working on more. It provides only one 'significant' statement, and feels a bit wasteful still. I will consider your suggestion on the edited L9.
@ellajam
I understand why "to see what they decide" would sound a bit better, but it would ruin the question that is being asked with that line. That's why I chose not to change it when it was suggested before. I might have to restructure that line so it fits better.
I will also consider your suggestion for the edited L9 (I'm not at all settled on how it is now).
The confusion of L10 is probably a product of poor structure and the fact that I have yet to elaborate on that portion or separate the thought. Basically, I still haven't found a way to clarify the "it" without breaking the definitions I am setting (as much of the poem is about definitions). It's also worth noting that L10 is an incomplete thought right now, and needs to be added to. As of now, I have not written anything that can properly accompany that line and complete the thought (which is separate from the aforementioned and still ambiguous "it.")
Interesting feedback. I feel the last stanza is weakest here, as I've really only made a couple of edits to it. Still working on more. It provides only one 'significant' statement, and feels a bit wasteful still. I will consider your suggestion on the edited L9.
@ellajam
I understand why "to see what they decide" would sound a bit better, but it would ruin the question that is being asked with that line. That's why I chose not to change it when it was suggested before. I might have to restructure that line so it fits better.
I will also consider your suggestion for the edited L9 (I'm not at all settled on how it is now).
The confusion of L10 is probably a product of poor structure and the fact that I have yet to elaborate on that portion or separate the thought. Basically, I still haven't found a way to clarify the "it" without breaking the definitions I am setting (as much of the poem is about definitions). It's also worth noting that L10 is an incomplete thought right now, and needs to be added to. As of now, I have not written anything that can properly accompany that line and complete the thought (which is separate from the aforementioned and still ambiguous "it.")
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona