01-19-2016, 03:38 PM
Smells like...irony.
Unfortunately there is nothing energetically holding this together, nor is the satire very biting.
"It's fun, riding drunk on highway,
Wave wild with flickering lights."
In the future try not to hold back, then go from there. I think a little vulgarity is needed with this subject.
Pump her full of baby batter, just don't catch her name;
dump'er at the mall then there's no one she can blame.
Make it a little more specific. When you can elicit emotion in the reader, then the reader becomes invested in the piece. When a piece is as generic as the poem in question, there is really nothing to elicit that emotion and no investment by the reader.
Best,
dale
Unfortunately there is nothing energetically holding this together, nor is the satire very biting.
"It's fun, riding drunk on highway,
Wave wild with flickering lights."
In the future try not to hold back, then go from there. I think a little vulgarity is needed with this subject.
Pump her full of baby batter, just don't catch her name;
dump'er at the mall then there's no one she can blame.
Make it a little more specific. When you can elicit emotion in the reader, then the reader becomes invested in the piece. When a piece is as generic as the poem in question, there is really nothing to elicit that emotion and no investment by the reader.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.