01-20-2016, 11:54 AM
I do love a good zodiac poem and I definitely felt that this signified most Scorpio women I have met.
I think that your overuse of "eyes" takes away from the language and believe the poem would benefit if you found a way to describe her eyes more (example: stare, glare, glance, lids whatever you think sums up her eyes).
I really like "beware of the Scorpio's sting" and think you could take this further. I like that it's placed at the end but think it could somehow draw more of a climax if you added a bit of imagery.
I think that your overuse of "eyes" takes away from the language and believe the poem would benefit if you found a way to describe her eyes more (example: stare, glare, glance, lids whatever you think sums up her eyes).
I really like "beware of the Scorpio's sting" and think you could take this further. I like that it's placed at the end but think it could somehow draw more of a climax if you added a bit of imagery.