02-10-2016, 02:41 PM
@Weeded
I'm not particularly serious about this piece, but it helps me get used to the forum mechanics in place here. I really didn't even want this to get to a second page. Nevertheless, a few replies:
I have made a few further edits to this, but none that I will posting here (almost finished writing a second piece). Line 1 is probably the only line in that 'stanza' which says anything to anyone. The next three are perspective based, which makes them deliberately weak
Most of the language is rather deliberate. It really is not meant to seem like a poem, which might defeat the entire purpose of writing it. It should seem as if it is written by a scientist conducting experiments with rats, not a poet contemplating things which everyone contemplates at some point. The method of contemplation is scientific, but the question is drawn between the spiritual and the 'physical.'Hence, the second stanza provides a definition of the rats and a statement of the method and question.
The standalone line is horribly incomplete in this version, but is meant to provide a hint of an answer.
Yeah, it lacks imagery. Not exactly a strength of mine yet.
Is a rat noble? Very good question. Is the 'being' of a rat noble? Unanswerable.
Are humans the same? Answering this question for yourself is just like pulling one of my levers.
If rats are self-aware, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the power of their hands. I know of brains in petri dishes flying airplanes (not exactly, but close). In my short study of English poetry, I've noticed that many poets like to apply certain progression and change within their poems (notably, Shakespeare and Dickinson). I've tried to make these rats become less rat-like as the piece goes on.
If the issue with 'placed' is the same as 'or,' i.e. capitalization, it was really not a priority for this piece. While I do consider punctuation to be important, I don't feel any concern over regular capitalization. If a piece is written entirely in capital or lowercase letters, I will still read it the same way as if it was properly or improperly cased. It has no effect on my reading, and this, little on my writing. (If it's about word choice, 'placed' gives a hint toward the spiritual and also sounds much better than 'superimposed.'
I'm not particularly serious about this piece, but it helps me get used to the forum mechanics in place here. I really didn't even want this to get to a second page. Nevertheless, a few replies:
I have made a few further edits to this, but none that I will posting here (almost finished writing a second piece). Line 1 is probably the only line in that 'stanza' which says anything to anyone. The next three are perspective based, which makes them deliberately weak
Most of the language is rather deliberate. It really is not meant to seem like a poem, which might defeat the entire purpose of writing it. It should seem as if it is written by a scientist conducting experiments with rats, not a poet contemplating things which everyone contemplates at some point. The method of contemplation is scientific, but the question is drawn between the spiritual and the 'physical.'Hence, the second stanza provides a definition of the rats and a statement of the method and question.
The standalone line is horribly incomplete in this version, but is meant to provide a hint of an answer.
Yeah, it lacks imagery. Not exactly a strength of mine yet.
Is a rat noble? Very good question. Is the 'being' of a rat noble? Unanswerable.
Are humans the same? Answering this question for yourself is just like pulling one of my levers.
If rats are self-aware, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the power of their hands. I know of brains in petri dishes flying airplanes (not exactly, but close). In my short study of English poetry, I've noticed that many poets like to apply certain progression and change within their poems (notably, Shakespeare and Dickinson). I've tried to make these rats become less rat-like as the piece goes on.
If the issue with 'placed' is the same as 'or,' i.e. capitalization, it was really not a priority for this piece. While I do consider punctuation to be important, I don't feel any concern over regular capitalization. If a piece is written entirely in capital or lowercase letters, I will still read it the same way as if it was properly or improperly cased. It has no effect on my reading, and this, little on my writing. (If it's about word choice, 'placed' gives a hint toward the spiritual and also sounds much better than 'superimposed.'
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona