03-13-2016, 07:37 AM
Hi Achebe. Very good, thanks for the valuable feedback. It is highly appreciated, so the following explanations are not a rejection of your comments, merely a conversation.
This is a fantasy poem, I plan to perhaps illustrate it in a book but anyway that's by the by.
1. I am trying to set a ye olde fantasy tone with clichéd descriptions like crimson eve, shrouded moon, id like to see what others think of this, if perhaps it is too clichéd.
2.
a) 'Purple night' is one of the extraneous conditions that allows for the night mountain to appear.
b) very good point.
c) A glen is a narrow valley, and not part of the mountain which contains the Banyan Tree, although there is no reason why a Banyan tree can't be in or near a glen. Just that the word is of Scottish origin doesn't limit it to Scottish landscapes by definition.
d) 'walking a thousand miles' is for better or worse a very common term that i don't think most people would get caught on in a fantasy poem. But I would love to hear from others if this stands out.
3. This is really for the most part a fantasy. Open to be viewed as a metaphor perhaps for some sort of spiritual awakening or journey. But I had a clear picture of a fantasy location in my head when writing this, perhaps as i am by trade a visual artist. If you would care to expand on why you think it's not fantastical enough, I'd be interested. Or if you have any ideas on what you'd prefer to see.
thanks
This is a fantasy poem, I plan to perhaps illustrate it in a book but anyway that's by the by.
1. I am trying to set a ye olde fantasy tone with clichéd descriptions like crimson eve, shrouded moon, id like to see what others think of this, if perhaps it is too clichéd.
2.
a) 'Purple night' is one of the extraneous conditions that allows for the night mountain to appear.
b) very good point.
c) A glen is a narrow valley, and not part of the mountain which contains the Banyan Tree, although there is no reason why a Banyan tree can't be in or near a glen. Just that the word is of Scottish origin doesn't limit it to Scottish landscapes by definition.
d) 'walking a thousand miles' is for better or worse a very common term that i don't think most people would get caught on in a fantasy poem. But I would love to hear from others if this stands out.
3. This is really for the most part a fantasy. Open to be viewed as a metaphor perhaps for some sort of spiritual awakening or journey. But I had a clear picture of a fantasy location in my head when writing this, perhaps as i am by trade a visual artist. If you would care to expand on why you think it's not fantastical enough, I'd be interested. Or if you have any ideas on what you'd prefer to see.
thanks