The Night Mountain

[Achebe]

Hi Achebe. Very good, thanks for the valuable feedback. It is highly appreciated, so the following explanations are not a rejection of your comments, merely a conversation.

This is a fantasy poem, I plan to perhaps illustrate it in a book but anyway that's by the by.
1.  I am trying to set a ye olde fantasy tone with clichéd descriptions like crimson eve, shrouded moon, id like to see what others think of this, if perhaps it is too clichéd. ....you can write fantasy and still be original. A cliche is not bad because it's been used before, but because it has been used so many times that it's lost the power to make an impression, which is what we're after in poetry.
2.
a) 'Purple night' is one of the extraneous conditions that allows for the night mountain to appear. ... since you are asking for crit on the poem as a stand-alone piece, what is not in the poem is irrelevant.
b) very good point
c) A glen is a narrow valley, and not part of the mountain which contains the Banyan Tree, although there is no reason why a Banyan tree can't be in or near a glen. Just that the word is of Scottish origin doesn't limit it to Scottish landscapes by definition. .....words have nuances, particularly in poetry. I 'wigwam' is not a synonym for 'tent' and 'monsoon' is not a synonym for any type of wet weather. Banyans are not characteristic of Himalayan glens, as these are higher up, and get cold weather in the winter. You do find them in the Terai forests and river valleys, but they are not 'glens'. I would be happy to be proved wrong.

d) 'walking a thousand miles' is for better or worse a very common term that i don't think most people would get caught on in a fantasy poem. But I would love to hear from others if this stands out.
....its commonness is why it's a cliche.

3. This is really for the most part a fantasy. Open to be viewed as a metaphor perhaps for some sort of spiritual awakening or journey. But I had a clear picture of a fantasy location in my head when writing this, perhaps as i am by trade a visual artist. If you would care to expand on why you think it's not fantastical enough, I'd be interested. Or if you have any ideas on what you'd prefer to see.
....I'm not saying that the night mountain should be a metaphor, but most readers would give you the benefit of doubt and think that it is. 
Regarding the fantastic element, let's look at the last stanza written out without the line breaks:

Inside there are others, they welcome their guest and in joyous refrain, he takes up with the rest to the chorus, this choir, will offer their lives for no more's the Night Mountain when morning arrives...

Does this make sense to you? The fantastical element (the mountain disappearing and the magic party inside the mountain) is overwhelmed by the lack of literal meaning in the rest of the stanza. You have lost meaning in an attempt to rhyme. I know this because I've been there too.

thanks

Don't lose heart - try and revise it. Start by seeing whether the lines written out without their breaks are making sense.