The Night Mountain
#5
Although I haven't given you a full crit of the piece, if you need a second opinion on
"Though a thousand mile ramble, may his weary feet take"

for me "ramble" didn't change "walk a thousand miles" enough to make it less cliche or more interesting and "weary feet" made it worse. I'm sure you could think of a more interesting way to say it.

I'll try to get to to full critique tomorrow, sorry about that.
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Messages In This Thread
The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-11-2016, 12:32 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by Achebe - 03-12-2016, 09:12 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-13-2016, 07:37 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by Achebe - 03-13-2016, 11:34 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by ellajam - 03-13-2016, 11:48 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-19-2016, 08:39 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by Achebe - 03-20-2016, 07:55 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-20-2016, 03:21 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by Achebe - 03-20-2016, 08:13 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-21-2016, 09:11 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by milo - 03-21-2016, 09:46 AM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-21-2016, 12:54 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by milo - 03-21-2016, 01:43 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-21-2016, 03:26 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by ellajam - 03-21-2016, 09:56 PM
RE: The Night Mountain - by jameso - 03-22-2016, 06:31 AM



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