The Night Mountain

[Achebe]

Achebe.  
The night mountain will disappear in the morning. where does it go? what is the fate of the singers in the hall?  have they given up their lives and vanished into death or nothingness? or have they offered their lives, as to an eternal cause? like worshippers or monks offer their lives to a deity.  I think it leaves the question more open; is this a death or an eternity? what do you think?

if you want the reader to be asking those sorts of questions, you need to develop the story and make it interesting. that means more description.
in your 7 stanzas, it's only in the last one that you talk about the singers in the hall at all, a total of 3 lines.
the rest of the poem doesn't really build up to it.