Convince me.
#11
(03-31-2016, 01:40 PM)Mr.Malicious Wrote:  Convince me
Convince me that I am not mad It is a bit wordy, sets the tone for the piece, this is sounding like a provocative poem, use provocative language. Maybe 
"Tell me, I am not mad"

This padded cell is the home of artistry 
And this straitjacket the uniform of creativity. Try switching up the word "this" for the nouns you are trying to convey. 
My padded cell is the home of artistry, this straitjacket the binds (maybe?) of creativity. 

Using the blood of the wicked as my paint
The bones of the crooked my brushes,
we will paint a mural of the duplex,
the duplex that is my mind. Confused and fascinated by this duplex, at first I thought he was in the loony bin. Is he in his home, interacting with his neighbours? 
For the shapeless and unhuman entities next door inhuman?
tell me I am sane.
Really enjoyed this poem! Having some experience with mental health issue and the psych ward this drew me in. Still a bit confused as to what exactly happened in the poem. Anyways thanks for the read hope some of my suggestions helps!
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx


Messages In This Thread
Convince me. - by Mr.Malicious - 03-31-2016, 01:40 PM
RE: Convince me. - by Keith - 03-31-2016, 06:52 PM
RE: Convince me. - by jmmc137 - 04-01-2016, 12:06 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Acephale - 04-01-2016, 06:09 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Lip Kingdavid - 04-02-2016, 12:56 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Jasper - 04-02-2016, 05:31 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Matthew McKeown - 04-02-2016, 08:49 PM
RE: Convince me. - by Tracy Mitchell - 04-03-2016, 04:45 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Slix343 - 04-03-2016, 06:34 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Uncle Tony - 04-04-2016, 08:30 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Bunx - 04-07-2016, 12:46 AM
RE: Convince me. - by jeh - 04-07-2016, 12:11 PM
RE: Convince me. - by LunaDeLore - 04-14-2016, 05:47 AM
RE: Convince me. - by Leanne - 04-15-2016, 05:51 AM



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