Words
#13
Something here that is not quite working is the punctuation. And I hate to be the one to call out punctuation because I hate it when others do it to me. But if you're not going to use punctuation, then you need to be intending that the reader runs your lines together when they read it. Based on the capitalization that you are using, and the words themselves, I don't think that is what you are meaning. For example: "Words, always / Love / Hatred / These things ground me" reads like you really mean "Words, always: / Love, / Hatred; / These things ground me." That would be the more logical punctuation that you would use.

Favorite is misspelled.

Every line starts with a capital letter and I don't think that's what you intend. If a sentence or phrase continues to the next line, use lower case for that. Uppercase implies something important or a new sentence/phrase.

It would be a pretty nice poem if you addressed the things I mention above. Semi-colons are extremely useful in poetry.


(03-16-2016, 09:40 PM)DC Black Wrote:  These are the things that bind me:
Children, the best of my soul,
Words, always
Love
Hatred
These things ground me.
They halt my fanciful flights
Down dark, monstrous roads
Bags haphazardly packed beside me
And favourite tunes blaring loud,
Holding me so tight
Reminding me of when.
They stop me testing the great unknown,
Not yet, I'm not there yet,
I have so many more words still to read,
Still to say.
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Messages In This Thread
Words - by DC Black - 03-16-2016, 09:40 PM
RE: Words - by UselessBlueprint - 03-17-2016, 12:00 AM
RE: Words - by Winter.Rain - 03-17-2016, 03:04 AM
RE: Words - by DC Black - 03-17-2016, 07:11 AM
RE: Words - by shemthepenman - 03-17-2016, 09:32 AM
RE: Words - by QDeathstar - 03-18-2016, 06:33 AM
RE: Words - by DC Black - 03-18-2016, 09:35 AM
RE: Words - by rocky20 - 03-19-2016, 11:36 AM
RE: Words - by The Raven - 03-20-2016, 10:26 AM
RE: Words - by Bunx - 03-22-2016, 01:56 AM
RE: Words - by Julius - 03-23-2016, 03:51 AM
RE: Words - by (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ - 04-04-2016, 11:34 AM
RE: Words - by jeh - 04-08-2016, 09:17 AM
RE: Words - by DC Black - 04-09-2016, 08:57 AM
RE: Words - by bluerain_ - 04-12-2016, 11:34 AM
RE: Words - by babymonkey - 04-13-2016, 08:17 AM
RE: Words - by seastar3949 - 04-13-2016, 02:40 PM



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