04-12-2016, 07:47 AM
Hi
This is my first bit of feedback. I've only read a couple of poems here, so far, but chose yours because I think that it has great potential. I especially loved the first and second stanzas. The words are strong and the rhythm draws you in.
You must be doing something right, because I had no clue (just because of lack of exposure/experience) about the true theme of the poem, but I loved it all the same. I felt a little lost in the last two stanzas.
Your first two stanzas are very witty. The wordplay pleases me. I do not think that the rhyming in the first half of the poem is forced at all.
Thank you for Sharing.
Tara
This is my first bit of feedback. I've only read a couple of poems here, so far, but chose yours because I think that it has great potential. I especially loved the first and second stanzas. The words are strong and the rhythm draws you in.
You must be doing something right, because I had no clue (just because of lack of exposure/experience) about the true theme of the poem, but I loved it all the same. I felt a little lost in the last two stanzas.
Your first two stanzas are very witty. The wordplay pleases me. I do not think that the rhyming in the first half of the poem is forced at all.
Thank you for Sharing.
Tara
(04-06-2016, 07:09 PM)billy Wrote: add a title, it will improve it threefold
(04-06-2016, 12:25 PM)Acephale Wrote: This was a quick write. Didn't know if I should add more.
Untitled
Hail to the queens who love Mirbeau and Sade
and laugh where others weep;
they archive words for their maraud
and target those asleep.
They bridge the gap of yesteryear
with violent prose and cons
and beacon children to come near
for whoring to the johns.
They do not lack moralities
but mock who think they do,
yet quander feasibilities
for those that might be true.
They seek to haunt, refine, and scare
with a vulgar sharpened tongue,
and remind us death’s the love affair
that plague the old and young.