Sweat

[laltieri0]

Thank you for your feedback, ellajam! I definitely agree with your point about the breaks. Shifting them makes it much better. 

As for the porcelain part, I'm a little stumped here. My intent is to kind of continue this coffee-esque theme after "brew," and that's what brought me to porcelain... A mug of coffee. However, I do see the issue you're having with the image. I've been trying to play around with it but besides dropping the word altogether, I can't find something. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, does it make more sense if either 1) the title changes to something coffee related or 2) I completely remove "porcelain" so it ends on "her lips" ?

Hi, welcome to the Pen. You might want to reconsider your choice of breaks. For me, dropping both "the" and "or" to the lines below would leave slow brew and parting lips, which appeals to me.

I'm having a bit of trouble with porcelain, which brings to mind white or transluscent, both difficult for me to picture with lips.

A nice morning feel.

Seventy degrees don't slow the

drip of morning's brew or

deter my tongue from parting

her porcelain lips.