A Live Reflection

[Leanne]

Alive Reflection

Reflect deeply at a mirror of your heart, -- how many mirrors are there in this heart, that this reflection is only in one of them?
The essence of my being
Is all around you.
My breaths are embraced -- an object must be embraced by something -- what are these breaths embraced by, on the back of this hand?  
On the back of your hand.
The soft heat of my velvety touch
Is still breathing in your eyes. -- this is just nonsensical.  Heat doesn't breathe.  It may at a stretch be breathed, although in eyes?  That's a horrible thing to do to someone, breathing out onto their corneas.  Even with velvet.  And why is the touch velvety -- are you a kitten?

My unfulfilled desires, longings -- longings are by definition unfulfilled -- this is just repetition for the sake of repeating words repetitively, more than once
Are still scattered on your pores.
My soul’s dew filled perfume -- dew-filled.  And why?  A watery soul?  A smelly watery soul at that.  
had fallen in the home courtyard, 
My tears are cling in bed folds, -- My tears cling.  
My tone, which was lost long ago
By your dampen lips, -- damp or dampened -- dampen is a verb
Is still sitting there. -- if it's still sitting there and you know where it is, it wasn't lost, was it?  

By the window
Where there are heavy curtains of fog, -- why does it matter if they're heavy curtains?  Also, you could try fewer words here, e.g.  By the window/ with its curtains of fog
My dusk is still waiting for you. -- figuratively you'd have to think that dusk is the forerunner for night, in other words, this sounds like you're offering up your death
Still, my dawn is asleep in your palm. -- whereas this sounds like someone's controlling your life.  These hands are also getting quite crowded, with dawn in the palm and breath on the back.  
My reflection is still alive  -- you could try "still lives"
in a mirror of your heart.


-- Shaan