A Live Reflection

[laltieri0]

Alive Reflection    This title doesn't add anything; I'd reconsider it.

Reflect deeply at a mirror of your heart,  awkward
The essence of my being       
Is all around you.                  I want L2 and L3 to be an image. an essence is vague .  simile or metaphor here may strengthen it.
My breaths are embraced  
On the back of your hand.    how can something be embraced "on" something else? what's it embraced by?
The soft heat of my velvety touch       too many adjectives.  The heat of my velvety touch would be less cumbersome.  "Velvety heat" implies softness.
Is still breathing in your eyes.   did they sprout lungs?

My unfulfilled desires, longings  
Are still scattered on your pores.   what, how?
My soul’s dew filled perfume  
had fallen in the home courtyard,       how did we get to a courtyard
My tears are cling in bed folds,      do you mean clung?
My tone, which was lost long ago        remove "which was"
By your dampen lips,  dampened or damp, not dampen. also, how is MY tone lost by YOUR lips?
Is still sitting there.  still sits? there-- where is there? ambiguous.

By the window      
Where there are heavy curtains of fog,    reconsider "where there are"
My dusk is still waiting for you.   
Still, my dawn is asleep in your palm. I can aaaaalmost see the line you're toeing here
My reflection is still alive       lives?
in a mirror of your heart.          the mirror or a mirror?


-- Shaan

I'd make the language a bit more active throughout (i.e. "waits" in the place of "is waiting" and the like).  Also, it's unclear what the real take-away is.  You get so caught up in pseudo-comparisons and nonsensical adjective-noun pairings that even multiple reads leave me fumbling for meaning.

I could bear the idea of dawn/dusk if you took that and made it the core of the poem/revamped the entire piece.

The mirror part-- mentioned twice in the poem as well as in the title-- is lost in the body of the poem.  Try to thread this idea or relate other images to mirrors, maybe? I'm not sure. 

I agree with most of the other crits on this thread.  As someone mentioned, mild may be a better place for this.

This was not intended to hurt feelings or be harsh, only to improve your work! Revision is an essential part of the process.