04-26-2016, 10:20 AM
A Live Reflection
Look deep inside your heart
the colors of my presence
still surround you. As it's supposed to be inside the heart, I think 'are still within you' would be a better fit than surround you.
You will feel
the velvety heat of my touch and
the fragrance of my breath perhaps this may work, but I'm not sure if it's the best choice, I would choose something along the lines of 'warmth of my breath'.
still embracing your soul.
You will find
the mist of my tears
is still clinging to bed folds.
You will hear
my silence reverberates although I do like this, reverberates is still repetitive loud noise. I really do find it interesting, but I'm not sure how others will feel about it.
through the house.
By the window
with its curtains of fog,
my dusk is still waiting for a bright dawn. Wonderful line.
When you look inside
my reflection still lives on
in the mirror of your heart. Perfect.
Look deep inside your heart
the colors of my presence
still surround you. As it's supposed to be inside the heart, I think 'are still within you' would be a better fit than surround you.
You will feel
the velvety heat of my touch and
the fragrance of my breath perhaps this may work, but I'm not sure if it's the best choice, I would choose something along the lines of 'warmth of my breath'.
still embracing your soul.
You will find
the mist of my tears
is still clinging to bed folds.
You will hear
my silence reverberates although I do like this, reverberates is still repetitive loud noise. I really do find it interesting, but I'm not sure how others will feel about it.
through the house.
By the window
with its curtains of fog,
my dusk is still waiting for a bright dawn. Wonderful line.
When you look inside
my reflection still lives on
in the mirror of your heart. Perfect.