05-26-2016, 12:25 AM
Great points, Sean! Maybe the Socrates quote as an epigraph would provide the necessary context.
Regarding the one=they, I realize this is true for spoken language, but for writing? I'm not so sure. Consider, "one" is a formal pronoun, while singular "they" is informal. Is this mix of formalities appropriate for the poem's voice/speaker? I see it all the time in my students' writing and try to avoid it myself. Pick a gender, or avoid it completely; (that's what I tell them, but poetry can break rules; I realize this is a personal choice; every writer's different).
Possible revisions: For from within, we find our peace. For from within, one finds peace; (I like this one best; less is more in poetry). For from within, one finds his peace. (Feminists might argue the latter is sexist, but this is Socrates after all).
Thanks for the context!
Regarding the one=they, I realize this is true for spoken language, but for writing? I'm not so sure. Consider, "one" is a formal pronoun, while singular "they" is informal. Is this mix of formalities appropriate for the poem's voice/speaker? I see it all the time in my students' writing and try to avoid it myself. Pick a gender, or avoid it completely; (that's what I tell them, but poetry can break rules; I realize this is a personal choice; every writer's different).
Possible revisions: For from within, we find our peace. For from within, one finds peace; (I like this one best; less is more in poetry). For from within, one finds his peace. (Feminists might argue the latter is sexist, but this is Socrates after all).
Thanks for the context!