05-29-2016, 12:42 AM
Hi, 71degrees,
I like the sounds of S1, reminds me of Frost. I'd echo Achebe's comment on S2; when small animals begins the stanza, the shift to flora was awkward to my reading too; either begin with 'wrens' or introduce the flora the way you introduce the fauna. I like 'intrigues' in S3; it personifies the waterfall, but this personification could be explored more. 'all of it' is a great closing line, but you might lead up to the fleeting qualities of nature a bit more prior to delivering the last line.
Cheers!
I like the sounds of S1, reminds me of Frost. I'd echo Achebe's comment on S2; when small animals begins the stanza, the shift to flora was awkward to my reading too; either begin with 'wrens' or introduce the flora the way you introduce the fauna. I like 'intrigues' in S3; it personifies the waterfall, but this personification could be explored more. 'all of it' is a great closing line, but you might lead up to the fleeting qualities of nature a bit more prior to delivering the last line.
Cheers!