05-29-2016, 03:40 PM
Really neat poem, well thought through and nice format, nice job!
I really enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing the poem!
(05-28-2016, 11:21 AM)Pdeathstar Wrote: Me and The Black Cat (Still wise, free, and safe in our remains)I think that since the poem is written in a way that the characters are interchangeable, commas around each character might make it clearer that they are subordinate clauses.
We are good, like God I agree that good might not be the best word choice for Satan, not sure if God is an angel per se, otherwise that might be a common denominator that captures the meaning of good.
unique with a special purpose I would stick with plural form, we have unique and special purposes.
like Satan.
We have rights, like King I did not get the Marin Luther King reference first time around, I read it as any king, I do not think that is a problem though, kings work equally well in this stanza, and follows from God->King..It shows the characters are interchangeable.
dreaming up righteous mandates
like the Klan.
We are free, like Gandhi
to rage against the bourgeoisie
like old Mao. I am not sure why you use old for Mao but not any other character. you could probably cut it.
We give hope, like Jesus
keeping faith in cult personalities
like Manson.
We still live, like Buddha
waiting for our rebirth
like a fool. This is a really powerful ending stanza. I am not sure about switching to singular though.
I really enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing the poem!

