lipstick

[Todd]

This was fun to read. I sort of started viewing the reds like punctuation like emphatic full stops. I felt like when I read it outloud I wanted to punch the words. This isn't an easy one to critique, but I'll attempt to give you something in the lines.

lipstick

(shades of red colors beauty “it’s not for you it’s for me” smudges left on the rim of a cup the color of blushing blood and fruit her lips enthralling her lips)--I wonder at the point of the parentheticals especially as a lead line. If you are trying make this an internal reflection maybe italics. I'm not sure I like colors beauty or the color of. I think they both detract from the immersion into red. I like the "it's not for you it's for me" when placed against the title, it seems to be saying if I am alluring it is for my benefit not done for yours. It's a good lead off. There is a slight shift in the subject is the her being observed or is the speaker the "me" of the first line. When I read phrases like enthralling her lips it seems to be focused on the infatuation of an observer. 

Red blood red rosebud red smeared across her lips red scrubbed in red red red stunning red coating her lips in a kiss between   color and colorless       colorlessness    red like a ribbon to make her look like she’s dressed even when        she’s   not      her mouth fraught with red hot --don't like the red after blood. I think it takes away from the red red red sequence. The red like a ribbon sequence is very nice. You lose a little on the she's not because it's not formatted in a conventional sort of line break--but you don't lose much. The red hot is a nice transition into the next fire red sequence.

She’s red but not a siren red, it’s a fire red, the kind that you touch and jump back jack with black on your fingertipsburning red   turning red       flames oh so lovely you’d love to immerse yourself she asks “Do you hear yourself?” a blushing red is a nothing red she wears a bluffing red not a loving red, stunningred shovingred crushing red, red red Ms.red (please, --especially like the fire red to the flames immerse yourself part. The question works and transitions well to the blush. I know "ask" is correct but you have so many s sounds working for you it may be better rephrased with an s like says...though that would require reworking the question into a statement.

don’t touch       the art)       “Beauty—

it’s not for you, it’s for me.” smudges left on the rim of a cup her lips enthralling her lips the color of blushing blood and fruit it’s not for you it’s not       asirenontherockslurein sailors red or a loving red merely a fire misread       her words useless mouth fruitless in regard to success do you hear yourself do you hear yourself do you       hear the       sound “please—don’t touch the art”             nonetheless       her lips are a kiss between cherry strawberry raspberry and       the fruitless--asirenontherockslurein is a little long to be effective. Probably something a bit shorter. It forces me to parse and remember I'm reading. I'm also not a big fan of the "in regard to success" phrasing. It could be a style thing.

Fully enjoyed the read. I hope the comments help.

Best,

Todd