Torn

[Slix343]

Hi Marymic, I have to say your poem is very clear. Both times you have absolutely nailed keeping me with your words during the opening. However I have to disagree with Emmajam as I thought the opening while a bit to much on the tell side was better for this sort of thing you were trying to do. This poem is emotional and it deals with conflicting feelings. I felt that your line in the original was more clear than the edited version on what that was and became more vague and contradicting as it went on. Which sounds bad but again you did this perfectly with lines like "Naked me" and "Frighteningly safe" which I love as they transition beautifully from the once clear statement at the beginning to outlining the emotions of the speaker. 

thanks for the feedback, it is really helpful. I will rework it

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Eyes whisper longing - This might be a bit on the weak side in showing the push and pull that makes the speaker emotionally torn. The only physical action is negative and despite the eyes being longing there is not much affection really shown here.
while attached hands
shove me further away,
shockingly. -This line feels a bit tagged on. Is it really shocking? Maybe this person wants to make the speaker their pet and destroy their will. Maybe not.
 
How do I know
what to do,
seal off, watertight? -Very good reworking with Emmajam's suggestions
Or reach into the unknown calling?
 
You want something
me doing me being;
treasured habits and comfort ways
are naked me in armor
that bites.
 
I want things too.
To do and be
with you in easy softness,
coming out of the cold shadow
to feel felt,
and frighteningly safe
 
I don’t know how to be -This serves to wrap things up nicely but I do feel you have now moved the clear explanation from the top of the poem to the bottom. This is not bad either but it is still there. 
with you