06-10-2016, 05:49 AM
(06-10-2016, 03:26 AM)jdrubnitz Wrote: The only critique I have is in regards to this line:
"Bleak outlook expressions stirring emotions" - I'm sure that each word meant something to you when you wrote it, but as a reader, "outlook" seems redundant. Only because outlook is generally implied when one considers the meaning of expression. Expression is the final result of some sort of outlook. Outlook is a necessary prerequisite to expression. If you want to put something in the line because the word "outlook" itself sounds good to you, find a different word that sounds like it, especially has that "ow" vowel sound, and still relates to the context.
You have used a lot of metaphor here, but it honestly doesn't feel over-tried. It simply makes sense to me.
Changed outlook to outward, maybe that's better.