06-14-2016, 05:46 AM
I acutely dislike it when one makes reference to oneself in one's poetry by name. Outside of seeing how many different ways one can use the word "red" I have no idea what this poem is about. Even when it jots away from red it still seems pointless:
"flames oh so lovely you’d love to immerse yourself she says “Do you hear yourself?” "
Who is talking to who? Who is the first "who"? Who is "She"? And what to do with "“Do you hear yourself?”
Personally I think poetry should take the fewest words to say the most, not the most words to say the least. An example of the second is that quoted above.
I will try and catch your next poem and give it a decent critique, it's a little late in the game on this one.
Best,
dale
"flames oh so lovely you’d love to immerse yourself she says “Do you hear yourself?” "
Who is talking to who? Who is the first "who"? Who is "She"? And what to do with "“Do you hear yourself?”
Personally I think poetry should take the fewest words to say the most, not the most words to say the least. An example of the second is that quoted above.
I will try and catch your next poem and give it a decent critique, it's a little late in the game on this one.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.