07-05-2016, 10:59 AM
I read and reread this poem know it will stick with me and come to mind often. It calls for a quiet and enduring strength that is applicable to daily life as well as extreme issues (vile tyrannies).
Actually, one of my least favorite lines is "opposing vile tyrannies" although I love the sentiment. It just sounds trite somehow. Maybe replacing "vile" might help?
Please stick to the word "their" as a gender neutral pronoun. I appreciate this usage in a poem that is supposed to speak to everyone.
Finally, I like how you've come full circle from "For from within, one finds their peace" to "By my own will I have found peace," but it would flow better and sound less pretentious if it read "For from within I have found peace." It's evident without being stated that your own will is guiding your inner peace.
This poem speaks to me. Keep sharing!
Actually, one of my least favorite lines is "opposing vile tyrannies" although I love the sentiment. It just sounds trite somehow. Maybe replacing "vile" might help?
Please stick to the word "their" as a gender neutral pronoun. I appreciate this usage in a poem that is supposed to speak to everyone.
Finally, I like how you've come full circle from "For from within, one finds their peace" to "By my own will I have found peace," but it would flow better and sound less pretentious if it read "For from within I have found peace." It's evident without being stated that your own will is guiding your inner peace.
This poem speaks to me. Keep sharing!