Father, Have I Sinned?

[71degrees]

@71Degrees

That's not true, I actually really value the criticism. I rewrote a stanza to see how it would work with a different flow..clearly I'm listening. I appreciate it, I just respond to everything by counter point, even if I agree.

I understand what you're saying. The meter has a certain disjointed flow by nature..and it's paired with disjointed ideas. To me that reflected inner workings but I can see why it wouldn't make for the most pleasant read. Not that it would in any case.

To make it crystal clear:

Stranded altar = a godless church of hypocrisy. God has abandoned this church

The next line..contrast between innocent touch that turns sinister.

The next..contrast between the idea of an innocent as a sinner and someone perverse as pious.

The next line.. Cup = cock

The next line..the Christian ideals of the blood of Christ and baptism made parallel to semen

The rest should be clear, now. If you want to offer criticism to thread these ideas into a more cohesive narrative, I'd love to hear them. But I prefer to maintain the metaphors.

What's not true? Not following you....

And nothing is "crystal clear" if it has to be pointed out, especially disjointed ideas. A Cup is a cock? What? The girl is ten. If the now crystal clear images of priest abuse / semen / and now you're telling me baptism (??? kept by the water ???) are being presented in this poem, I missed them and apologize for my poetical ineptness to your presentation....I'm still struggling w/the salvation part.

It's still your poem. Whether or not certain posters "y'all are lame" is debatable. I'm just offering my threecents worth.

Write on.