10-07-2016, 07:08 AM
Lay in wait my breast-held heart
as eggshells undulate, constant as mother eggshells? the mother was oviparous so her offspring-to-be is in a shell, not the normal amniotic fluid in which a baby is immersed?
feeds my bones and moon-shucked nail beds. the moon or its light somehow got into the womb?
Snipped in time my pose shifts snipping of the umbilicall cord is done after the baby is delivered, not in the womb.
lone in length of limb and the fold of my legs what does "lone of limb" mean? In the womb a baby is curled up and straightens only as the delivery process proceeds.
beneath her thrumming atmosphere. What atmosphere and why does it thrum?
Hurried voices hush rapid shuffles
until we submerge the baby emerges after having been submerged.
my world in a blood-drawn bath-- and how! the poem doesn't benefit from an outburst like "and how".
Thrust to prismatic emprise why prismatic? Emprise refers to daring or dangerous, hardly relevant here.
yet my consciousness stays
the shrunken severed memory
of mother's womb.
This is a very amateurish evocation of womb time: the poet builds on reality and doesn't distort it, just as none would write the sun rises in the west.
as eggshells undulate, constant as mother eggshells? the mother was oviparous so her offspring-to-be is in a shell, not the normal amniotic fluid in which a baby is immersed?
feeds my bones and moon-shucked nail beds. the moon or its light somehow got into the womb?
Snipped in time my pose shifts snipping of the umbilicall cord is done after the baby is delivered, not in the womb.
lone in length of limb and the fold of my legs what does "lone of limb" mean? In the womb a baby is curled up and straightens only as the delivery process proceeds.
beneath her thrumming atmosphere. What atmosphere and why does it thrum?
Hurried voices hush rapid shuffles
until we submerge the baby emerges after having been submerged.
my world in a blood-drawn bath-- and how! the poem doesn't benefit from an outburst like "and how".
Thrust to prismatic emprise why prismatic? Emprise refers to daring or dangerous, hardly relevant here.
yet my consciousness stays
the shrunken severed memory
of mother's womb.
This is a very amateurish evocation of womb time: the poet builds on reality and doesn't distort it, just as none would write the sun rises in the west.