10-22-2016, 07:43 AM
I tend to enjoy your style, your descriptions and topics are interesting and quirky.
See, I think for me for the title to ring most sense, I want the tooth and gauze lines right before the sick leave chrysalis lines, and the other two stanzas to go together in any fashion. Because I picture someone getting their tooth removed, being on medication and focusing on the serene imagery trees and sounds outside, really I think any order works because I stop and spin it around and think about and make my own assumptions.
i like that the days slip into chrysalis and die, makes me laugh i dont know why . . .
See, I think for me for the title to ring most sense, I want the tooth and gauze lines right before the sick leave chrysalis lines, and the other two stanzas to go together in any fashion. Because I picture someone getting their tooth removed, being on medication and focusing on the serene imagery trees and sounds outside, really I think any order works because I stop and spin it around and think about and make my own assumptions.
i like that the days slip into chrysalis and die, makes me laugh i dont know why . . .
(10-18-2016, 11:30 AM)Brownlie Wrote: Edit 1
Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.
The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine.
Sunday ended like a dung beatles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.
Old Version
Sunday ended like a dung beetles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.
The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine.
Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches

