Wisdom Tooth Extraction
#5
I tend to enjoy your style, your descriptions and topics are interesting and quirky.
See, I think for me for the title to ring most sense, I want the tooth and gauze lines right before the sick leave chrysalis lines, and the other two stanzas to go together in any fashion.  Because I picture someone getting their tooth removed, being on medication and focusing on the serene imagery trees and sounds outside, really I think any order works because I stop and spin it around and think about and make my own assumptions.
  i like that the days slip into chrysalis and die, makes me laugh i dont know why . . .

(10-18-2016, 11:30 AM)Brownlie Wrote:  Edit 1

Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.

The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine.

Sunday ended like a dung beatles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.

Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.



Old Version

Sunday ended like a dung beetles heap,
but with a steady, broken sibilance or rattling at 2 a.m.,
the rain had almost hushed uncertainties,
save the spasmodic grating of a rusted iron gate.
 
The cavernous tooth was chiseled out and placed into a pan.
The first bloody gauze looked like a pouch of nicotine.
 
Only that which rose above or stood out starkly
could be seen in the evaporating mist.
An oak swayed gently and unladen,
decades older than I had imagined,
and magnificent.
 
Declaring sick leave,
a couple days slid into chrysalis and died.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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Messages In This Thread
Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Brownlie - 10-18-2016, 11:30 AM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by just mercedes - 10-18-2016, 01:01 PM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Brownlie - 10-18-2016, 01:35 PM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Zara - 10-20-2016, 06:24 AM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by CRNDLSM - 10-22-2016, 07:43 AM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Brownlie - 10-22-2016, 01:53 PM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Wjames - 10-23-2016, 05:21 AM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Brownlie - 10-23-2016, 03:22 PM
RE: Wisdom Tooth Extraction - by Sparkydashforth - 12-03-2016, 07:00 AM



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