Parents *Edit 1

[MadelineAnne]

Hi! This has some great imagery. I like that it builds on something very commonplace like the experiences of parents, but from a unique vantage point. Just a couple of thoughts below:

Parents ~Perhaps a colon after this intro?
We can see you, ~Don't capitalize "we" since you began the sentence with "parents."
in your 40 hour sweat;
licking up the salt as if it were gold dust, ~after a semi-colon, you need to have a subject. Semi-colons link two complete sentences that are related to each other in meaning. Right now you have two verbal clauses.
choking on the water that is left.
 
Myth: two days make up for 5.
Dawn exists so early birds can rise,
catch the rubber worm, regurgitate,
and perpetuate it into their child.
 
It’s not supposed to be easy,
jumping into the grinder feet first. ~very visceral, good
Pretending , the crunching
is from the  pretzels you call lunch.
 
When your body’s all, bone-fragment- flecked -pink –meat,
gather yourself, go home.
Press your remnants into the human shaped mold on the couch. ~good imagery here
And wonder why we won't do the same. ~If this sentence is intended to be a continuation of the previous, just link them with a comma. Also, perhaps it's just me, but the meaning of this last line is entirely lost to me.



Thanks you for your time!

Rowens is correct that this is an excellent start. You have a lot of good structure here to build on. Best of luck to you with it!